The Birthday Party, parts 3803 - 3806

3803. She was somehow convinced that the death of her husband was bound to occur in those moments when she had left him unattended, and this idea kept her in a perpetual state of guilt and despair. In such a circumstance it is natural to assume that secretly she desired her husband’s death, and indeed everyone who knew her simply assumed it had to be so. 

 3804. If they pictured themselves in her place they could not help but consider that such a situation was highly unnatural, and begged for a simple and obvious resolution. And yet, if her friends thought about it more deeply they shocked themselves with the realization that what they contemplated bordered on murder, if the wish that someone might die could be akin to that crime. 

3805. As for Clara, we do not know if she wished her husband would simply die and be done with it. She certainly never let slip any comment that would imply such thoughts, and her actions never displayed frustration. 

 3806. She did have a recurring dream she kept to herself, not sharing it even with her sister. In her dream her husband was long dead, and she was in Italy standing on a beach at the ocean. In the dream she was 47 years old, and yet felt herself to be just a teenager.