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Saturday, July 12, 2014

Bluto, parts 3372 - 3375

 3372. He went on, “So you chip your tooth but you aren’t going to be angry are you because the rock got there by accident. It had to be an accident, why would anyone do something like that on purpose? If you put rocks in people’s food on purpose that would be a crime wouldn’t it?”


 3373. This was the way that Bluto always explained things to me, by asking obvious questions that could have only one answer. But even though these questions could have only one answer Bluto would sit there staring at me with his mouth agape and not go on with his lecture until I had answered his rhetorical question.


 3374. But even though he knew what the answer had to be, even though he knew the exact words I would have to say, even so, when I would say, “yes,” he would roar out “no” and bang his fist on the steering wheel. Then he would precede with his lecture but substituting the Pepsi-Cola company for the rock sandwich.


3375. I had to admit that Bluto had a point about this business of the Pepsi-Cola company being like food with gravel mixed in. There was no exaggeration about it. My second-grade teacher asked us to bring to class teeth we had lost and she tied them to strings and hung them in a glass of soda. The next day the teeth were brown, and at the end of the week they were gone, all that was left was the string.

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